Lack of Confidence

Do you worry before walking into a room full of strangers?

Does a lack of confidence hold you back in your life?

Do you become tongue tied at crucial moments?

Then you are not alone.
Many people experience a lack of confidence at one time or another, and many more constantly struggle with the difficulties that a lack of confidence can bring.

What is Confidence?
The socially confident believe that they “get on with people” or are “good” at making conversation and listening. People who are confident at work will take on a difficult task knowing that it is a “challenge” so they will enjoy “problem solving”. We often taken for granted what we are good at – listening, finances, raising a family, our jobs etc, but because we live with it we some how believe ourselves to be ordinary, not appreciating that we have exceptional qualities envied by others.

We all experience confidence individually. Confident people tend to display certain qualities that demonstrate that they believe in themselves, they are relaxed with what they are doing, they have the knowledge/skills/ability that allows them to deal with whatever life throws at them…..or can they?

Even the most confident of people have experienced a lack of confidence at times, it is the way that they handle it that is different. Confidence is not a constant and whilst we experience it in a number of areas of our life where we feel comfortable and know what is expected of us, it is when we are faced with something new or where we have perhaps had a bad experience in the past that our confidence can suddenly dip.

How does a lack of confidence come about & what are the effects?
Anna Freud once said "I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence but it comes from within. It is there all the time.“ People who experience a dip or lack of confidence will experience various emotions from self doubt, fear, anger, helplessness, feeling flustered, to physical things like having a dry mouth and wobbly knees.

Experiences such as lack of encouragement (managers, parents, social group), a perception of experiencing bad luck continuously, being criticised etc. all help to develop a lack of confidence in one or more areas. Added to this there is invariably some sort of internal commentary going on that exacerbates the situation such as “I’ll never get ahead”, “everyone else does it/is better than me”.

Negative thinking and past experience are probably the 2 biggest Confidence Zappers around. Overcoming negative thinking is not as easy as it sounds, just telling yourself to think positively does not always result in the belief that is necessary to make you feel better. Similarly, if a past experience was bad enough, no matter how much you tell yourself everything will be fine, there is still always that little element of doubt “what if”.

So we play it safe, avoiding risks, challenges and new situations, relationships may suffer as negative comments about yourself seem to be reinforced by how others treat you, and of course consistent lack of confidence leads to low self esteem and potentially poor health – all of which can have an impact on how we live our lives.

 

Case Study JB a Project Manager for a large telecoms company had an interview on the Monday morning for a role which would take him onto the first rung of the managerial ladder. Despite all the planning and preparation (he was a project manager after all) he still did not feel confident of getting the job. In fact, he was already making excuses as to why he wouldn’t get the job, belittling his achievements (anyone could do what I do), judging himself against other people (they are more experienced than me) and gradually blowing things out of proportion. By the time the interview came, he was beginning to experience sweaty palms, faster and more shallow breathing and his body language became more closed as he walked into the room. Interviews, presentations, walking into a room full of strangers, new roles – just some of the typical workplace scenarios where someone can experience a lack of confidence with an impact of business performance.

This is where Relish comes in

As a result of a free one hour consultation we will idenitfy the issues you are REALLY facing so you can make an informed choice on your options to move forward if you still want to.

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